Why do men choose to marry?

What do husbands
really want from their wives?

How do men define

Because men are often stereotyped as uncommunicative and commitment-phobic, such questions have rarely been asked.

Until now.

As a journalist devoted to the psychology of men, Neil Chethik has reached out to more than 350 American husbands of all ages, occupations, classes, religious faiths, ethnic heritages, and backgrounds. He shares the results—and many myth-shattering revelations—in VOICEMALE: What Husbands Really Think About Their Marriages, Their Wives, Sex, Housework, and Commitment (Simon & Schuster).

Video stream of the author's appearance on
Good Morning America
Monday, January 9th, 2006.

"Neil Chethik gives us fresh research, new thinking, and surprising conclusions to the question "What do men really want?"
-- Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls

"A surprising, challenging, and compassionate book on the inner world of a misunderstood species --the modern husband. Nearly every husband will understand himself better if he reads this book; nearly every wife will say, 'Now I get it.'"

-- William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota and author of Take Back Your Marriage

Among the convention-challenging insights:

  • Men propose marriage primarily because they want the physical, emotional, and intellectual companionship of a woman. Men like company.
  • Beauty attracts. But what works to keep men interested in a woman as a potential life-mate are two personality traits: a positive outlook and self-confidence.
  • You can change a man. Most husbands are open to changing in healthy, positive ways. And some actually look to their wives as agents of change.
  • The more satisfied a wife is with the division of household chores, the more satisfied a husband is with his sex life at home.
  • Forget the old wife’s tale about heeding how a man treats his mother. More often, a man’s relationship with his father shapes him into the husband he will become.
  • Husbands in mature marriages tend to report a high level of sexual satisfaction, regardless of the frequency or physical intensity of sex with their wives.

VOICEMALE also sheds light on how men struggle with balancing work and family—and with supporting a wife’s career; why men resist the temptation to have affairs—and how they cope with sexual betrayal; and how a man’s second marriage tends to differ from his first, for better and for worse.

Sharing what he came to see through his interviews as “the masculine style of loving,” Chethik culminates with an eye-opening discussion of “How Men Do Marriage.” Through concrete, real-life examples, the author shows how men perceive and express intimacy by sharing space and engaging in side-by-side experiences with their wife, as well as how men strive to improve their relationship by doing something—including daily mundane tasks, like making the bed, and being giving in the bedroom—rather than by talking.

Happily, what many married men are doing seems to be working—for them and their wives. 93 percent of the husbands surveyed for VOICEMALE stated that if given the chance, they’d marry the same woman again.

About the Author

Neil Chethik is a writer, speaker, and workshop leader living in Lexington, Ky. For the past 15 years, he has focused his writing on the psychology of men. His first book, FatherLoss: How sons of all ages come to terms with the deaths of their dads, was published by Hyperion Books in 2001.

Neil is available as a speaker at conferences, professional organizations, universities, business/civic groups, churches and other venues. See his speaking page, or contact him directly at:

PO Box 8071
Lexington, Ky. 40533
(859) 361-1659

Neil lives in the Kentucky bluegrass region with his wife, Kelly Flood, who is a professional fund-raiser, and their son, Evan.

"An insightful, engaging book that dispels damaging myths about men and paves the way for greater compassion between the sexes."
--Dr. Linda Nielsen, Professor of Women's Studies, Wake Forest University, and author of Embracing Your Father